So, college is nothing more than a distant memory now and already those promises made on last days have surely fell through...Funny isn't it? How we always promise never to loose touch and yet we always do? I'm currently working in what feels like one of the seven circles of hell, knowing my time thier is ticking away sure makes makes me feel better sometimes. I've been looking for propper work now for a couple of months, an it's been fruitless but thier is light at the end of the tunnel. Well, you'll be pleased to know that I've moved on from guy "X" it took a long time and took ALOT of energy and created many a tear. It all started with just me getting down about him making plans then cancelling them, i mean let's face it if you "love" someone that much you ignore the bad points about them. I got really down one night, I'd always considered him my sort of boyfriend so refused chances to go out and meet other people. In the end i decided to text him asking why he let me down this specific night and like always he picked up on my mood and was instantly asking what was up and after many a text I gave into his request and told him, after a LONG night of talking I decided to go to sleep...That didn't happen I just lay in my bed with everything swurling around in my head, I just didn't know what to do with myself...We didn't speak for weeks.
A month or so later he got back in touch, sounding eagar and saying how close we used to be. Luckily for me I had good people to fall back on, I explained I needed time to propperly move on an I didn't want to get sucked back into the same old viscious circle. Days turned into weeks, an he was so persistant I could tell he missed me in the end we got into a new routine of talking me being able to end it whenever I felt things were getting heavy this worked wonders. He continued to want more for us go out together, me go round. Being able to say no felt like amazing, I had control of my life again. It's been like that for a while now, however he's doing the same old things treating me like his partner trying for us to meet up and go to places you'd only take your boyfriend such as your works Christmas due.
Luckily for myself I can see it all coming and easily pick up on his signals and send out a no thank-you. I have a gig that I booked when I felt that way about him coming up next week I'm looking forward to it because it's a good gig just the feelings that he may omit are going to be a true test, aswell as this I'm going to meet up with him this Friday to have a well earned catch up, it's going to be interesting but I'll be able to tell what he's thinking by how he reacts to the situation of us going for a meal and a drink (his idea), I'm confident that I'll be able to get passed all the mixed signals he throws out permamently.
Well, since moving on I went into town and had a well needed "rebound". I know you're thinking rebound? You were never together, in my head we were and clearly he had some sort of idea we were something more than close friends. Since that i've been looking around and really enjoyed meeting lots of new people and trying lots of experiences. Life has been brillaint so far, I've got back in touch with my very first lover and it's going well some things are more difficult than others in terms of catching up so much has happened over the years, what "X" has taught me is that I need to learn how to protect myself from getting hurt and that's what I intend to do.
Thanks for reading,
Sl8rKid. Xx
(8)Don't Cry For Me Argentina, the truth is I never left you.(8)
Tuesday 7 December 2010
Sunday 15 August 2010
The First But Most Certainly Not The Last
Okay, so this is my first attempt at blogging. I only had a look around this at first just to see what all the fuss is about, I was told by one of my best mates Emma to create one as it can be quite therapeutic I'll give you all a link to her blog as soon as I get to grips with this thing. I thought the idea of being able to vent all of your fustrations in somewhat of a "private" setting to be a useful tool.
Okay so firstly my life is good by definition but underneath the laughs and the smiles things arn't always what they seem. This last year has been a real whirlwind, since January 1st 2010 I've met more people than i could have ever thought, came out to my parents as Bi, left my beautiful college KGV in Southport and found someone who really makes me happy. You're thinking this guys just said his life isn't all smiles and laughs their is a catch, their's always a catch. The person who makes me "whole" as cheesy as that sounds is straight which kind of throws a spanner in the works really.
I first met him in college I was with my best friends in the whole wide world, without them I seriously don't know what I'd do without them. He was with another group of people one of which was a neighbour of one of the girls in my group, this would be the first step in getting to know him. Few days past in college and I'd been able to get to know people in both sets of groups. Their group was very different compared to mine in ours we were happy laughing taking the mick out of each other theirs was too serious, something my fish brain couldn't handle. When I first started talking to him he was very blunt and not very talk-a-tive at all. Me being me was very persistant and he slowly started opening up, by the end of the first year he was already a huge part in my life. I'd helped him to get through some problems of his own and helped him to focus his attention on the places were it was needed (his college work).
To me this was perfect we we're such close friends, we got talking more on the ussual Msn, Facebook and via phone. Then he came out with a sentence that I'll always remember, "you've really changed my view on everything, you've showed me that like being gay/bi isn't wrong it's as natural as a guy liking a girl." It's hard not to be moved by something like that. Since then our friendship on a whole has gone from strength to strength he's such a big part of my life. I'm currently sorting out the plans on moving in with him for the week to house-sit and a holiday to somewhere in Britain. I know what you're thinking this sounds dodgy...yeah try living it. I don't know where I stand with him that's part of the liking though, never knowing where you are. At least I have people who I know I can fall back on people who are reliable like Emma if the holiday goes to pot with "X" then I have London to look forward to with her.
I applogise for anyone who is on the verge of just diying, I just thought i'd try and give you an insight into my current feelings. As you can tell it's mostly motivated by him at the moment, I'm currently waiting to talk to one of my closest friends Emma as she's coming home from a pritty amazing night with her sister and mother which will be on her blog any day now! I'm really looking forward to being able to just vent now. I think that writing things down helps you to sort it all out than things busting around in your head.
Til the next time.
Xx
(8)I don't want to make another mistake like you, I don't want to hate that love doesn't get me through.(8)
Okay so firstly my life is good by definition but underneath the laughs and the smiles things arn't always what they seem. This last year has been a real whirlwind, since January 1st 2010 I've met more people than i could have ever thought, came out to my parents as Bi, left my beautiful college KGV in Southport and found someone who really makes me happy. You're thinking this guys just said his life isn't all smiles and laughs their is a catch, their's always a catch. The person who makes me "whole" as cheesy as that sounds is straight which kind of throws a spanner in the works really.
I first met him in college I was with my best friends in the whole wide world, without them I seriously don't know what I'd do without them. He was with another group of people one of which was a neighbour of one of the girls in my group, this would be the first step in getting to know him. Few days past in college and I'd been able to get to know people in both sets of groups. Their group was very different compared to mine in ours we were happy laughing taking the mick out of each other theirs was too serious, something my fish brain couldn't handle. When I first started talking to him he was very blunt and not very talk-a-tive at all. Me being me was very persistant and he slowly started opening up, by the end of the first year he was already a huge part in my life. I'd helped him to get through some problems of his own and helped him to focus his attention on the places were it was needed (his college work).
To me this was perfect we we're such close friends, we got talking more on the ussual Msn, Facebook and via phone. Then he came out with a sentence that I'll always remember, "you've really changed my view on everything, you've showed me that like being gay/bi isn't wrong it's as natural as a guy liking a girl." It's hard not to be moved by something like that. Since then our friendship on a whole has gone from strength to strength he's such a big part of my life. I'm currently sorting out the plans on moving in with him for the week to house-sit and a holiday to somewhere in Britain. I know what you're thinking this sounds dodgy...yeah try living it. I don't know where I stand with him that's part of the liking though, never knowing where you are. At least I have people who I know I can fall back on people who are reliable like Emma if the holiday goes to pot with "X" then I have London to look forward to with her.
I applogise for anyone who is on the verge of just diying, I just thought i'd try and give you an insight into my current feelings. As you can tell it's mostly motivated by him at the moment, I'm currently waiting to talk to one of my closest friends Emma as she's coming home from a pritty amazing night with her sister and mother which will be on her blog any day now! I'm really looking forward to being able to just vent now. I think that writing things down helps you to sort it all out than things busting around in your head.
Til the next time.
Xx
(8)I don't want to make another mistake like you, I don't want to hate that love doesn't get me through.(8)
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